Author: Stephanie Austin

I need a fan to cool this angry fire

I would like to introduce a quote:

“Unless it’s mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it’s a waste of your time. There are too many mediocre things in this world. Love shouldn’t be one of them.”

Go ahead and read that a couple of times. Go ahead now. Read it.

You might be thinking that I am copying and pasting this quote due to the fact that I find it extraordinarily inspiring. ON THE CONTRARY. I hate this quote.

My roommate and best friend used this quote to update her Facebook status this other day, and it definitely rubbed me the wrong way. I just… it doesn’t really….it seems….well…..here’s the thing…..look……how do I…….

THIS IS A NARROW-MINDED VIEWPOINT ON LOVE IN WHICH SHOULD NOT BE LOOKED UPON IN SUCH A NARROW-MINDED WAY.

So, what you’re saying is… is that if my love isn’t any of those three things then it is a waste of my time? So, what you’re saying is… is that if my relationship is based around security then it’s a waste of my life? So, what you’re saying is… is that if my love is unconditional, but not passionate, then my love for you is a waste? Hmm.. interesting.

Apparently, only the passionate people know real love. The rest of us are just faking it. Some people are incapable of having passionate love due to some insecurity, sexual preference, or physical malady. Sucks for them, because their love is a waste. Right? RIGHT? Jesus…

No, love should not be mediocre. It should beautiful and real. But love can never be truly defined. DO NOT pretend to understand it. And DO NOT tell others how to feel it.

Anyway…. I commented on her post. I said, “I don’t think any love is a waste of time.”

Feel free to disagree.

Full of sap

This summer (so far) has gone so much better for me so far. Last summer, when I got home from college, I grew very depressed and anxious as my world seemed to be spinning out of control. I was paranoid, scared of losing my Mom, and terrified when thinking about my future. I don’t know what it is about coming home for the summer but it always throws me for a loop. I started seeing my therapist again, and that helped alot. I suppose I’m just really bad with transitions. It was even worse when I got back to school after the summer. I cried for a week straight, and it was my junior year…

Anyway, this summer, I’ve been more than fine. I may not have a job, and I may be super lazy these days, but at least my head is on straight. I’m not worrying so much, and more often than not I am happy. Sure, I still have days where all I want to do is cry, curl up in a ball and sleep for the rest of my life, but it never lasts. My mom even says she has noticed a change.

I don’t know how I’ll do when I go back to school, but for now, I’m on top of the world HEY! (Imagine Dragons reference). I’m not sure what/who to thank for this positive change, but I can attest to one thing. This summer, I have a boyfriend of ten months. He’s never left my side. Perhaps he was all I needed to make me whole? I know that’s corny, and ew gross, right? But I don’t know what else it could be. He gives me hope. My love for him distracts me from my depression and my anxiety. He makes me feel secure. No words could describe who he has been, and who he is to me, but honestly, I don’t think I could have gotten through like I have without him. Thanks, Ty (:

I almost DIED (but not really)

So yesterday, I was at the river with some family for Memorial Day. It’s my grandmother’s river house, and to augment the environment, my dad purchased a boat and a jet ski, which goes well used by the whole family.

I got my boating license about a year ago, so I’d be able to drive the jet ski. Anyway, I was driving it around yesterday. Me and Tyler even got to give my three year old cousin a ride. She’s a brave one.

Then my other cousin wanted a ride. She got on the back, and I drove her around a bit, making sure to jump waves and increasingly accelerate so as to make her first time memorable. The river was rough yesterday so there were plenty of waves to choose from. We found a patch that was particularly jarring. Going 45 mph and jumping waves with two people who greatly differ in weight distribution probably wasn’t the best idea.

The back-end veered in the opposite direction to which I was steering, and when it started to tip, there was no stopping it. We flew off, skidded across the water, and landed a good distance away from where the jetski cut off. I had to swim to it, jump back on, and thirty minutes of laughs and trying to get my cousin back on the ski, we made it back to the house.

It wasn’t until my cousin said, “I lost my sunglasses!” that I realized I had been wearing my Ray-bans. Let’s just say I wasn’t wearing them anymore. I was pretty pissed about that. Still am actually.

Also, my grandmother broke her hip yesterday and today she is getting surgery. It was a Memorial Day to remember. It was a MEMORABLE day. Get it? HA that’s funny. Guys, laugh.

Another poem (:

I don’t know why I’ve been so bad at blogging lately. It’s not like I’m making use of my time while I’m not. To make up for it, I’m going to blog tomorrow. Because, really, I do feel bad.

I was laying in bed the other night, thinking, like I always am, and a poem presented itself to me. I liked it, and even though I “wrote” it, I still find it ambiguous. I suppose I’ll share it with you all (: Bear with me. I’m trying to remember it as I write it out.

Hard, cold rain pounded my bedroom window

The glass shattered

Accumulating mists

Patterns of rainbow color speckled my carpet

Soaking my comforter

Who am I? I wonder.

The light always strikes before the thunder.

Bored

Remember that time when I blogged yesterday? Yeah, me neither, cause I didn’t. I’m sorry ):

Here’s an update on my life/summer: I’m insanely bored. I still have no job. My boyfriend is always working. My friends don’t text me, and I have nothing but this computer, a book, and a choice selection of videogames to occupy my time until Tyler gets off work. Help me, I’m poor.

Also, why don’t my friends text me? Am I just not fun? It’s not like you are busy. None of us have jobs, really, so…. And I’m one of those that refuses to be the first to text, or make plans. Granted, I did this weekend, and last week, so I’m making an effort. Now the ball is in YOUR court. Pick it up and shoot. Sincerely, Lonely.

At least I have my computer and this blog.

*sigh* I need a project.