Diagnosis: Adulthood

I got a job. A big girl job, with big girl responsibilities… 6 days after my May 10th college graduation. I’m terrified. Petrified. Systematic! Hydromatic! And I know it must not be grease lightning. 

It’s a good thing. I’m glad I’ll be making money. But I’m not sure I’m ready to be an adult. The thought throws me into a fit of nostalgia, leaving me whimpery, limp, numb, and anxious. 

I’ll be holding the position of Creative Writer for a “marketing” company in Virginia, and I love the company. Everyone is so nice, so really, I’m not lying when I say I’m excited. But I have to travel a lot, which scares me because planes. And I have to be an adult, which scares me because adulthood. I haven’t been reading as much lately, and I haven’t had any motivation to write which sucks because I adore both of these pastimes. I just can’t find the energy. 

I’m going to have to move out soon. The commute from my parent’s home to the company is only 35 mins. so I’ll commute for a while until I raise up the money to move out. Besides, I’m not ready to transition into adulthood cold turkey. Baby steps. I’ll move out when I’m ready. Should I be ready now?

Ya know… I read an article recently about how Millennials like me have grown increasingly anxious when faced with the task of becoming an adult. Maybe it’s the helicopter parent issue? Maybe it’s not. Why is it worse with us Millennials? Why did we pull the short straw when it came to growing up? What did my parents do that made me grow up into a weak, anxious, little coward too afraid of her own adult shadow to accept it? I’m too stuck in my own head…I can’t accept reality because it isn’t compatible with what I want. What do I want? 

My whole life has been one huge existential crisis.