Lesson #1: I Am The Problem. And So Are You.

I’ve realized since picking this blog back up that I need to focus on a theme. I have to ask myself, What can I offer the world via my blog? What insights do I have that those reading my blog crave? Initially, I was going for the “I’m young and twenty-three” angle, but I’ve learned that’s not enough. There’s lots of “young and twenty” blogs out there. What’s new? Where and how do I stand out?

For the past year, I’ve been going through an extreme emotional, physical, and theoretical transition. I have experienced depression, anxiety, sadness, excitement, determination, depersonalization, fear… sometimes it feels all at once. I’ve gone up and down, thrown side to side, and good grief, I am dizzy. As you might have read in previous posts, I have A LOT to complain about. And THAT right there is my problem. All I’ve been doing is complaining. Who wants to read that? What I’ve discovered in just the past few weeks is that if we take time out from complaining to find the good in our greatest challenges, we might find our solution.

I have a friend who has been telling me from the beginning that “you, Stephanie, are the problem,” which I, of course, immediately defend, or rather rebel, against. “Are you kidding? No, I’m not. It’s not my fault this happened. It’s not my fault that happened. It’s not my fault she betrayed me… Are you saying IT’S MY FAULT?” I can go on and on like this, but he stops me mid-breath to say, “No. You are the problem.” NO I’M NOT, I scream. I’m not kidding. I’m always screaming at this point. HOW DARE YOU BLAME ME FOR WHAT’S OUT OF MY CONTROL!

But that’s the thing…

You see, it may not be my fault that so and so did this or that…. but it’s my choice on how I respond. It’s my fault that I’m letting what life hands me bring me down. It’s my fault that I’m brooding and letting my past taint my present, what’s right in front of me. I am in control of how I respond to life. I am in control of my happiness. Because I do believe happiness is a choice. It’s not simply given to the lucky. Don’t get me wrong–I think some people are more apt for happiness (i.e. the obtuse), but I digress. What matters is what I’m doing for myself to be happy, not what others are doing for me, or to me, or with me.

I am the problem. But I am also the solution.

I am on an active search for happiness, having dedicated myself after a long line of mistakes made. So if I can provide anything to a world of young, naive, eager twenty-somethings, they’re the stories of my mistakes, my observations, and what I’ve learned in effect.

I am the sculptor and the sculpture, itself–just as we all are.

So, what’s my theme, you ask. Well, I’m still thinking of a nice, concise tag-line to sum it all up. Feel free to help me with that. But, for now, my blog, in essence, embodies the life of a young woman who readily admits her failures and actively seeks to gain that consequential wisdom needed to achieve a lasting, purposeful happiness in life.

I can’t wait to share all I’ve learned and have yet to learn.

I’ll start with something simple. Love yourself. No matter what. No matter what anyone else thinks. Love your feelings. Your emotions. Your past. Your present. Your future. Be grateful, be happy, and love yourself. Always.

Easier said than done? Of course. Let’s get technical in posts to come.