Liveblogging Scream Queens? Oh yeah…

It was my mom’s idea. She thinks I need to be more current…. whatever THAT means.

Liveblogging can be fun, right? Of course, and it’s mildly obnoxious. So why not?

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To start off, here’s a picture of Peter Pan faithfully watching the show with me.

Emma Roberts, as the bitchy, bossy, and spoiled sorority chick–known as Chanel. Name symbolism? Probably. I have to say I’m jealous of her, simply because she’s dating Evan Peters, or last I heard. I also have to say, Roberts plays a good bitch. Could she be a bitch in person? I won’t think so.

Jamie Lee Curtis is OLD. Did she get a boob job? Have they always been that big? Have they always dragged the floor like that? Great actress. She plays a bitch, too. So many bitches in this show.

FRESH.
FRESH.

I think the woman who really makes the show, though, is that woman, you know, from Reno 911. The only black female police officer. Why can’t I remember her name? She’s one of the only celebrities I’ve met. It was on Good Morning America at 5:00 in the morning. With wet hair, uneven makeup, and kinda yellow teeth because it was before I really got serious about dental hygiene, I was looking FRESH.

Who’s everyone being for Halloween? I’m gonna be that British lady from those Poo~Purri commercials. Click here. You won’t regret it.

Is this guy trying to sound like Matthew McConaughey? Hope so; it’s a great impression. This show is SO American Horror Story laced with the simple innocence of Glee. What you get is a dark, murderous innocence, unchartered in America’s television. One could say it’s over the top. I say it’s mandatory.

To those reading this without having watched the show ever, I’m sorry but I don’t want to preface. You’re in luck anyway… this is only the fourth episode of season 1. You still have time to catch up. I want to theorize… I think the main character, Grace, who’s beautiful by the way, is definitely that bathtub-born baby from the first episode. And if that’s the case, I’m almost disappointed with this show’s predictability. Almost.

Can I get a Yessss! for British accents?? You guys know that’s Keke Palmer? She’s looking hott, let’s be real.

Damn.
Damn.

Guys, Keke Palmer is trying to take over the sorority-Presidency from Emma Roberts. Julia Robert’s niece is getting fresh with Akeelah.

Did Abigail Breslin ever hit puberty? She went from child to adult like over night.

If you’re going to defend yourself, would you do it with a knife or a baseball bat?  Don’t answer that. I know what you would say. Still, people in TV shows or movies tend to forget common sense. Now… a baseball bat with a knife taped to the end? That’d be cool. OR maybe a dozen knives taped to the end.

If you’re gonna cast Rachel Barry in your show, you’ve got to have her sing. Sorry.

Typical dad. “Honey, are you on bath salts?”

Oh, shat, you guys, Grace knows she’s that baby. That bathtub-born baby. I knew it. It was said here first. Bear witness. I’m really sort of skeptical of this Pete character. He’s a little sketchy and I don’t trust him. I don’t think Grace should either. I mean, he had the Devil costume IN his closet.

Could it be any more obvious?
Could it be any more obvious?

This is definitely one of those shows where you can’t. trust. anyone. Is the killer Jamie Lee Curtis? Soft-spoken Grace? Hot boyfriend Pete? Rachel Barry? That’s be SO like her. OR maybe it’s the girl from SNL–the one with the weird name?

I think the only thing this show is missing is Kathy Bates. I think all anything is missing is Kathy Bates, particularly Kathy Bates with a beard.

What'd I say?
What’d I say?

What ever happened to black girls having each other’s backs? Akeelah, don’t you know anything? Niecy Nash, THAT’S her name! There’s some heat up in this haunted house, like grade-A back stabbing. Keke Palmer’s winning if you were wondering. Nash ain’t buying’ it… she gots “her eyes on you.”

I wish I could pull off Chanelle’s outfits.

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Sadly, I’d just look like I’m trying way too hard.

Do girls actually eat cotton balls? Dipped in various sauces? I have to say… I love the critique on misogyny. Rachel Barry just kicked a guy in the crotch, and now he’s on the ground, taking a pounding from flawless Barbie Dolls. These are our children’s role models, and I’m actually okay with it…

A pick-up line to put me on my knees every time? “Wanna take me inside and attack my crack?” Yessss. I’d very much appreciate it if you attacked my crack. 

IT’S MISS BEAN! IT’S THAT OTHER COP! IT’S THE CONE MASCOT GUY! IT’S ARIANA GRANDE! IT’S EVERYONE WHO’S DIED THUS FAR AND PREVIOUSLY BEEN MISSING. Plot twist if I ever saw one.

Make you want to watch the show? Hope so. Tune in next time for another live blog. You’t won’t, but probably will, regret it.

“There’s a guy in an ice cream cone nailed to the wall! Bless his heart!”

Can you guess what happens next?
Can you guess what happens next?
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